My husband and I had a fight. We both handled it poorly and hurt the other person we love most in the world. I wanted him to help me do three tasks around our house. He wanted to rest and do it at his own time and pace. When he told me no that he would not get up and help, I felt hurt. My love language is service. Him not wanting to get up and help felt like he was rejecting me. Ugly words were said, feelings were hurt, and respect went out the window. I told him I would do it myself and he was okay with that. So, why share this ugly? I am sharing because this turned into something beautiful.

For several days after the fight my husband and I did not talk much only what was necessary for the upkeep and running of our lives. While I was quiet with my husband I was a motormouth with God. I know He was telling me to let him be God in this situation. Psalm 46:10 came right back to me. Be still and know I am God, I will be exalted in heaven and I will be exalted on earth. The “know I am God” part is still a lesson I am learning. I did the work all by myself after the fight. I was angry and offended that my husband would not choose to help me do the work. Through a conversation with a Christian relative I realized that I was in God’s way of His will in my husband’s life. Since I would always do the things my husband didn’t want to do or would procrastinate doing, I was not allowing God to continue to build him up as the leader of our house. I was being the leader not my husband’s helper. I was sinning against God’s will for his perfect design of my Christian marriage.

I struggle with being the helper. I am strong, confident, and bold. I can do most of the work around our house myself. Just because I can doesn’t mean I should. That lets my husband off the hook from being the leader. I was stepping on God’s toes. How can I be my husband’s helper and allow myself to be dependent on God and my husband when God made me to be so strong? Ahh, back to Psalm 46:10. Will I allow God to be God? Do I trust Him to know what is best for me, my husband, and our marriage? Will I ask for and receive His perfect will? I want to answer yes to all these questions, but I know the struggle will be in the daily details as I face situations that will give me opportunities to know He is God.

Just a side note for those who want a few more details, my husband I went out on a date and talked through a lot of our issues from the fight. My husband understands that when he rejects doing necessary things for our household I feel personally rejected. I now understand that my husband is intimidated by household maintenance and would prefer to ignore it. We discussed him being the leader and me being his helper. He asked for my forgiveness for putting me in the situation where I felt I had to step up to lead instead of helping. I asked for his forgiveness for my lack of respect during our fight and for overstepping my role as helper into leader. We prayed together and asked God to lead us both forward together.

Lord God of the Universe you cared enough to bring two souls together through marriage, may we get it right in your eyes. May we find your favor as a couple.

I was studying Matthew 11:28-30. Three short versus, but they are heavily loaded. I was wondering what Jesus’s yoke was like in verse 29. I know that a real yoke is made for two oxen to pull the load. So it made sense that Jesus’s yoke included Jesus. Jesus and I carry the load together. Then I noticed in verse 30 it says His yoke is easy. The word in Greek for easy is chrestos. This means useful, to furnish what is needed. So Jesus will help me carry my burden and provide whatever I need to do so. Wow! Mind blown! So many times I did things my own way without asking anyone to help, not even my Lord. How much better it would be if I asked the only one who can truly do anything about it?

So this lead me to another train of thought. I sleep in a way that physically offers me some bodily protection. This is a coping mechanism I learned when I was younger. It has caused my shoulders to roll in and even my hands are rolled in and tucked under my body. Over time it is causing me physical pain. My shoulders hurt, sometimes my hands go numb, and my posture needs much improvement. Even if I am thoughtful of sleeping in a more comfortable position I go back to my self preservation position. I thought there was nothing I could do about it because I was asleep. This lead me back to the scripture. Jesus says, “Take My yoke….For My yoke is easy.” I was wrong. There was something I could do. I could take Jesus’s yoke and let him help me carry this and provide what I need, what is useful to this situation. I need to trust Him to protect me while I sleep. I need His peace that surpasses my understanding. I need to remember Psalms 46:10 Be still and know I am God; for I will be exalted on the earth, I will be exalted in Heaven. This verse God gave me two years ago pops up so many times in my life. Guess I am still learning. So grateful for a patient teacher.

Please join me in prayer that I can let go, trust, and relax with my Lord’s yoke.

Just very recently I was able to witness my prayers for my family being answered. Both times I looked up, said thank you, and told God I knew it was Him doing this. You see the people involved had hardened their hearts and armored up against trauma they suffered. Like so many people do they choose to set up impenetrable walls to protect their woundedness. I have prayed for forgiveness, healing, and salvation for my family members for so long that I thought it would never happen. Then God showed up mightily and changed them.

My two fully biological sisters had a falling out. One sister was feeling repeatedly offended by the other. When our mother passed one made a nasty comment about divorcing our family and the other choose to be offended by it. This is because the offending sister was adopted by her foster family when she was younger. The offended sister took some time and wrote a letter to the offender. Basically, she stated that she was choosing to cut ties with the offender because she had been hurt too many times by her. The other sister was blindsided by this. She did not realize the other sister felt this way. The other sister never came to her and said there was a problem. The never talked it over. The both started harboring bitter angry feelings toward each other. I tried to speak to both of them about forgiving each other. Nope, their hearts were hardened and they would not budge.

One night I had the chance to spend the night in a hotel with the sister who had been offended. We talked about so much. We finally talked about the problems between the two sisters. She stated she had been hurt so many times that she could not turn the other cheek any more. I told her she could forgive and love the other sister without having to talk to her or open the door for a relationship again. She asked how. I told her to start where she was at right now. The offending sister just lost her adopted mom. I said, “You have lost your mom and knows how that feels. Could you just say a prayer for her while she mourns. Maybe, you could send a sympathy card that states she is in your thoughts and prayers.” The offending sister made a post on social media about her mom dying just a couple of days before this conversation The offended sister commented that she was in her thoughts and prayers. The offending sister took a screen shot and sent it to me. All I commented was wow. Wow, Holy Spirit took the conversation we had and prompted my sister to action. Fast forward two weeks, I am having a conversation with the offending sister and she says she is having a girl’s get together and thought about inviting the offended sister. She stated she did not do it because it would be too much for their first time seeing each other in so many years. I started crying. God was changing hearts, breaking down walls, and healing the brokenness. May this be the beginning of reconciliation for my sisters.

Last night I had the chance to talk to my cousin. Her story is one of heart break. She was born to my first cousin who got pregnant young and out of wedlock. She decided to have the baby and give it up for adoption. Her mother, the baby’s grandmother decided to adopt her. Everything was good until the adopted mom died. This left the family in crisis as what to do with the adopted daughter. The family decided to place the girl back with her biological mom. At this time the biological mom had married and had four other children. The family was not kind to her. She had gotten a trust fund when the adopted mom died. Her biological mom stole some of the money. She came out that she was gay and the stepfather had a fit. She ended up moving up North to live with her girlfriend. She has a lot of anxiety and depression from the trauma she endured. It is eating her up and interfering with her adult life. I have repeatedly talked to her about forgiving her biological mom because it would set her free. She said she could not, forgiving her meant letting her off the hook for all the bad things she had done. I told her I would pray about it with her. She texted me last night that she told her biological mom that she forgave her. I cried. This was a huge step in own healing.

I don’t know what God’s plans are for these people in my family, but I can see him at work and that is enough. I am overwhelmed that he listened to our brokenness and hard hearts and started mending them. My prayers for my family run deep and long as I would like all of us to be healed by the grace of God. I am learning that while I am not responsible for their faith and salvation, I am responsible to share the gospel and pray for them. It is important to pray for your loved ones because the most important One is listening and intervening on our behalf. To God be the glory, honor, and all praise!

I always try to see the good in others rather than accept what their words and behaviors have shown me, especially when it comes to my family. Is it better to give them the benefit of the doubt and hold on to the good, or to acknowledge the truth as they themselves have spoken or shown by their behavior to be ungodly and evil? It seems like an easy question as God tells us the truth will set us free. The Bible says we are born sinful. Why would it be so hard to accept that my own family would choose evil. That is the conundrum. They are my family. I want to believe that the ones I am connected to biologically would choose God and His goodness over evil, because that is what I choose.

Should I call out my loved ones when they are being hypocrites? Is it my place to call our their lies, their half truths, their sins? I have prayed and searched to answer for my questions. What I found was that I need to learn how to give Biblical corrections to those who are in sin or in serious doctrinal error even my family members. Without it, churches and families tend to run into evil. In 2 Timothy 2:23-26 Paul shows Timothy how to carry out the gentle art of correction. If I truly love others, I will offer Biblical correction because it is a part of love. If I am the Lord’s bond servant then I am accountable for being faithful to him. I need to fear God more than people, recognizing that obedience to His command to love requires correcting them when needed.

I believe the reason I have shied away from offering correction to my family members is I don’t want to believe that they would make those bad choices and I have inadvertently bought into the tolerant, morality of our culture. I have mistakenly thought that love means accepting the person, sin and all, with no moral judgments about their behavior. God’s Words give us absolute standards for right and wrong behavior. I need to seek God and His biblical wisdom so I will know when to speak up and when to remain silent.

Dear God, I pray for discernment. I need wisdom as when to speak up in your name and when to remain silent, especially with my family. Once I know what You would have me do, give me the courage to be bold for your kingdom and glory. Amen.

It has been over two years since I retired. I thought after a year I would go back into the work force. I actively started searching for jobs. I joined on line employment groups and consulted career resources. I updated my resume and prayed for God to lead me to the right job for me. Every time I job search, submit an application and my resume I would get no calls for an interview. I started praying before job searching. I would ask God to show me which jobs I should apply for and which ones should I pass over. EVERY TIME, He would tell me, “Not yet. Wait.” Why is He asking me to wait? I questioned Him again and again. I have not received an answer. I must wait. So, waiting is what I will do. I cannot see the big picture. I am trusting Him to work all things in my life for His glory. No my question is not why do I have to wait, but what do you want of me while I am waiting.

When children came up in conversations with my husband I always told him that I didn’t want children. He always responded that he was okay with that. He loved me more than any future children we may or may not have. We dated eight years and were married for three before I found myself open to the idea. I was so afraid of being a mom. I had no good example and was worried that my issues would negatively affect any children I would raise. Well, God knew better, because not only did He help me change my mind, He gave me two exceptional people to raise as my children.

I prayed about them before they were ever in my womb. The ups and downs of raising them were better than I could ever imagine. They have brought our family so much love and joy. They were raised in Christ and the unconditional love only a mother and father could give them. Now that they are grown I love my time with them even more. They are a pleasure to be around and honor both of their parents in so many ways. Sometimes I am utterly amazed How the three of us could raise these two wonderful people.

I have always been proud of my life’s journey. I have spent time and energy to be better and do better than how I was raised. To climb out of poverty and give my family a stable environment to thrive in. However, NOTHING compares to watching my children come into their own adult life successfully. Their success is my pride and joy. When I think no one could love them more than me, I am reminded that God loves us all more. I always prayed they would live for Jesus and as I see them apply and use their relationship with Jesus to navigate their live I am filled with peace and joy. They both know their Savior and actively seek Him through the ups and downs of life.

My son decided to not go the traditional university route after high school. He did at two year program at our local state college and earned a degree in electrical power. The very day he graduated with his degree he was offered a high paying job with a company who contracts with FPL. He has now been there two years and was just offered a promotion and raise. He has his own place. He just recently bought a new used car that was an upgrade from the car he was driving.

My daughter graduated high school in 2020. She took a more traditional route than her brother. She took dual enrollment classes while in high school and almost had her AA degree upon graduation. While working full time she just finished her AA degree with honors and found out she has been accepted into the program she wants to study. She wants to be a medical laboratory scientist. This is a program that can lead her to be a pathologist if she goes to school long enough. She has set her own goals and is working hard to achieve them. She wants to be a doctor. She said she was destined to be a doctor because of her name, M.D. Forde.

No, they don’t stand out in the crowd. Neither one was a child prodigy in sports or academia, but they are living a life with Christ and choose to walk with Him. Since I struggled with the decision to be a mom, I gave my children to God before they were in my womb. I treasure the fact that what was instilled in their hearts as little children stayed with them into their adult life. I pray they continue to seek God and walk with Him all the days of their lives for God’s glory.

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. To God the glory, honor, and all praise!

My husband and I recently had a conversation about my attention seeking behaviors when we first met. I was appalled to think that he thought every fight and issue was me seeking attention. You see, I saw me being emotionally raw and over reacting to even the smallest thing. We were both very present in every moment, but how could our view points be so different?

He was just getting to know me and had never encountered anyone like me before. He was from a stable middle class home. My childhood abuse and dysfunction were foreign to him. He also had the opinions of his family jading his viewpoint. It took me many years to win over my in-laws. I just was not good enough for him. So when I would get mad, loud, and aggressive I was doing it for attention.

The reality was that I am an extremely emotional person. I feel things so intensely that they would bubble out of me without my control. Not a bad thing when the emotions are good, but extreme when those emotions are negative. I do not think anyone, but God really understands this about me. I had no filter. Every moment of my life was raw, real, and intense in my eyes. I would often choose over reacting to responding to moments in my life. My husband told me he loved me for the first time and I cried. His love overwhelmed me. When he did not defend my honor to one of his friends we got in a fight. I was worthy of honor and felt he should have stood up for me. Each incident was handled emotionally not rationally.

I have since matured in faith, age, and behaviors. I have learned that a fool vents his emotions, but a wise man holds it all back. Prov. 29:11 A fool is the worse thing God calls a human. I do not want to be a fool in God’s eyes. It was not easy to learn to control my emotions. They can still get the best of me, but I have learned to breath before speaking, walk away if necessary, and take it to God in prayer. Emotions have no intellect therefore I must use my intellect to deal with my emotions. It is not what I feel, but what I know.

Who else had encounters with me that my over reacting had a negative impact for them? God knows. May they forgive me and may I forgive myself for causing anyone else anguish through my emotional reactions.

A few days ago I saw a posting on social media and it really lead to ponder its wisdom. It asked, “What is the purpose in life?” Then it answered the question. What if you fulfilled your purpose when you took an extra hour to talk to that kid about his life, or when you paid for that young couple in the restaurant, or when you tied your father’s shoes for him? Then it went on to explain that you equate your purpose with goal based achievements. When you choose to act out of kindness and love you are aligned with your true purpose. I took a screenshot and saved it so I could go back to it, think about it, and see how it aligned with God’s word.

It did not surprise me that it was true to scripture. God teaches us to love (John 15:12), serve (1 Peter 4:10), and be kind (Galatians 6:9-10) to others. He asks us to be forgiving and gracious. He shows us that love is an action and a verb.

It surprised me as I applied it to my life. You see, I always thought I would have and wanted a major impact on other people and thereby, the world. I just knew that my story was powerful for God’s kingdom and that one day He would give me a platform so big that I would reach hundreds of thousands of people and share the goodness of God with them. I am an optimist. I am going to impact the world. Why give me this amazing story of my life if not to share with so many others?

Then I thought maybe he already has. The posting on social media made me think about all the opportunities I have already had to serve my purpose for God. Over my teaching career I have taught almost two thousand students. Over the last 25 years I have taught Sunday school and VBS. I have led many Bible studies, ladies’ nights, and woman events. I have so many stories where I was able to make an impact on someone just by showing up in my day to day life and sharing love and kindness. While I have been waiting for God to call me before thousands, I already have done so much for His kingdom. Maybe I do not need an auditorium? I just need to ask God to give me thousands of little moments to speak his truth through the lens of my story to help Him fill Heaven.

This year for Lent I decided to try the Daniel Fast. If you have not heard of it, it is a 21 day fast based on Daniel’s time in Nebuchadnezzar’s court. Daniel and three other children of Israel were brought into the court and were offered a daily provision of the king’s delicacies and three years of training. Daniel refused the delicacies and asked for vegetables, fruits, and water, Daniel 1.

This is an extremely difficult fast even back then, but is especially hard in today’s time with all our processed foods and overly sugared foods. As this was the first time ever trying the fast I decided to modify it at the beginning. For the first week, I allowed myself one cup of coffee with cream and sugar and one meal, usually breakfast that contained protein. The second week I allowed myself one cup of coffee with less cream and less sugar. The last week I followed the plan to the T.

I chose this fast for Lent, but also for my health. I would normally just give up caffeine for Lent. I learned a few things along the way about my relationship with food. I thought I had a healthy eating pattern after my heart attack. This fast showed me that was not true. I modified my diet, but it was nowhere near as healthy as it should be to keep my part of God’s promise for a long life.

The first lesson I learned that was I am an not a food addict. I just had and unhealthy relationship with food. I use food to soothe my emotions, deal with pain and anger, and to celebrate any special moment in my life. My life centered around food. I was constantly thinking about what I just ate, what I was planning to eat later, and what snacks were laying around to graze upon. During the fast I was really able to listen to my body about my need for food. I did not eat just because it was time. I ate when I was hungry. I stopped when my body let me know when I was full. I did not overeat or under eat during the fast. I felt like I was truly in control of my eating patterns for the first time in my life. I was also fully hydrated during the fast as all I drank was mostly water. My body was responding to the hydration it was receiving. My skin was healthy, dry patches at my elbows and ankles were gone, and my digestive system was working better than ever.

The second lesson I learned was that Jesus was my real strength when tempted to eat something outside the fast. We celebrated St. Patrick’s Day and my daughter’s birthday during my fasting time. My family kept apologizing for eating foods in front of me that were not allowed on the fast. I was so tempted to give in and eat with them instead I prayed for the strength to stay on the fast. The struggle of my flesh was real. My body wanted the protein, the sugar, the caffeine, and the processed foods. What I would have done for Coke! Remembering why I started the fast and that Jesus and Holy Spirit were ever present during the fast I was able to stay the course. I called them a lot throughout the fast. Mostly I would call out, “Jesus Help, keep me from eating what I should not,” or “Holy Spirit come now and be with me, so I won’t indulge my flesh.”

The last lessons I learned was that while the fast began as a minor thing in honor of Lent and for my health, the longer I was on the fast the closer I got to God. Because I was not focusing all my attention on food, I had more time to spend with God. I spent time studying the Bible, His word. I spent time in prayer with Him. He showed me where my unhealthy relationship with food began and that I was stronger than my food addiction. He showed me that conquering and controlling my emotions helped me control what I put in my mouth. He showed me that I could do this with Him. He showed me my unhealthy eating patterns and taught me new ones.

What started out as a way to honor Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross became a whole new lifestyle for me. To God be the glory. I am so thankful that the Bible is full of people’s stories that can still have a profound impact today. Daniel found favor in God’s eyes for staying true to His God and I too, have found God’s favor. Praise be to God!

This post makes me happy. It will be short, to the point, and give God all the glory. I was sitting alone contemplating the things I learned while I was with my family. I became emotional and got mad at myself for being emotional. I prayed to Holy Spirit to help me understand why I was reacting this way. Two things were revealed to me. One, this was the last time the scab would be pulled off this wound. This was the last root affecting me. I learned all there is to know about the events that lead up to my abuse. I would never again be wounded by anything of my past again. I was set free. It was revealed to me that it was okay that I was emotional. The hurt, pain, and anger are real. I am entitled to those feelings. I should allow myself to feel them because this would be the last time. This was the last root.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed! John 8:36

And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. Romans 8:27

But you, beloved, building yourself up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you eternal life. Jude 1:20-21